Part 1: Training the Mind – From Reactivity to Choice
In my therapy practice, I often introduce mindfulness as a simple but profound way of relating differently to our inner world – especially when it comes to suffering.
There are really two kinds of suffering in life. The first is unavoidable: the physical pain, illness, loss, and uncertainty that come with being human. The second is the suffering we create by resisting how things are – by struggling against discomfort, wishing things were different, or getting caught in endless loops of worry and self-criticism.
Mindfulness helps us recognise this difference. While we can’t always change painful experiences, we can learn to reduce the additional suffering that comes from fighting reality. It invites us to meet life as it is, rather than how we think it should be.
Our minds are extraordinary – creative, curious, endlessly active – but they can also be unpredictable and easily distracted. Left untrained, the mind can be a bit like an untrained puppy: darting toward whatever it finds appealing and tugging away from what it dislikes or finds uncomfortable.
One moment we’re chasing after something that promises satisfaction; the next, we’re wriggling away from discomfort. This push and pull can leave us feeling at the mercy of our reactions. We get brief flashes of relief – the treat, the distraction, the ticked box – but soon enough, the mind finds something else to chase or resist. It’s exhausting, and it keeps us caught in a loop of reacting rather than living with awareness.
Mindfulness offers a different way. It’s not about suppressing the puppy or forcing it to sit perfectly still. It’s about gentle, consistent training – learning to notice where the mind goes and bringing it back, again and again, with kindness.
When we begin to pause – to simply notice what’s happening rather than automatically reacting – we create a small but powerful wedge in time. In that wedge, there’s space. Space to see more clearly, to breathe, and to choose.
This moment of pause is the heart of mindfulness practice. It’s not about making uncomfortable feelings go away; it’s about learning to stay with them, to resist the automatic pull to escape or fix. Over time, that space gives us freedom – the ability to respond rather than react, to choose our words and actions with more care.
When we strip experience back to its simplest form, life unfolds through just seven kinds of experience:
- Sights
- Sounds
- Smells
- Tastes
- Bodily sensations
- Emotions
- Thoughts
That’s it. Everything we experience arises through one or more of these. Seeing this clearly can simplify things enormously – it helps us meet our moment-to-moment experience without judgment or story.
A Short Mindfulness Practice to Try
You might like to explore this for yourself. Set aside around 15 minutes somewhere quiet, where you won’t be disturbed.
- Find a comfortable position – sitting upright but relaxed. Allow your attention to come into your body. Feel all the places your body makes contact with the chair or the floor.
- Notice your breath. Without trying to change it, begin to sense the natural rhythm of your breathing. You might feel it most clearly at your abdomen or chest.
- Rest your attention on these sensations of breathing – the rise and fall, the gentle movement of air. Hold your attention here lightly, as you might hold an injured bird: not so tightly that you crush it, but firmly enough that it doesn’t fly away immediately.
- When your mind wanders (and it will!), simply notice where it went. Then, congratulate yourself for noticing – that moment of awareness is mindfulness – and gently guide your attention back to the breath.
This is called a practice for a reason. The work is in the returning – each time we bring the attention back, we strengthen the muscle of mindfulness. Over time, this practice helps us build tolerance for neutral or uncomfortable experiences, teaching us that we can stay with what is here, moment by moment.
In Part 2, we’ll explore how attending to the felt, bodily experience of emotion can help prevent us from getting swept into spirals of proliferating thoughts – deepening our ability to stay grounded and responsive, even when life feels turbulent.
If this approach resonates with you and you’d like to explore how mindfulness can support your wellbeing, you’re very welcome to reach out. You can find details about my therapy work and contact information elsewhere on this site.
